Spotting spiritual abuse or a spiritually abusive Church/organisation or group can be challenging and it can sometimes be more helpful to think in terms of the abusive behaviours being on a continuum or spectrum rather than all or nothing. With this in mind, Churches ect. being somewhere on the spectrum between 'abusive' and 'healthy', and there can also potentially be good parts or groups within an abusive Church and abusive parts/groups in a healthy Church.
To help identify an unhealthy setting it can be easier to reflect on the answers to a number of focused questions, Dr Gillie Jenkinson has compiled a really useful checklist to aid this process (link below).
Another great characteristic checklist of cults in general can found in found in Michael Langone's article below.
https://www.icsahome.com/articles/characteristics
Leaving an abusive Church/Organisation, high-demand group or relationship can be very traumatic. For some, they leave behind the only life they have ever known and often without friends or family or the spiritual resources they may have once drawn comfort from. This process can be a bewildering time, leaving some developing Post Traumatic Stress or Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder due to the experiences within that context.
Getting back your life and recovering can take a long time and often even years later we may find that we react unconciously to certain places/people or situations. Gillie Jenkinson helpfully highlights, in a brilliant article, the need not only to leave physically but psychologically, the article can be downloaded through the link below and goes into this concept in greater detail.
Due to ingecting what we are taught to beleive, we continue to live out of those beliefs and way of seeing/experiencing the world which can be very unhelpful and distructive at times. Also, the beliefs and ways of treating ourselves can often be harsh, punishing and uncompassionate. Learning to recognise and challenge these harmful patterns and beliefs is essential to recovery and it may, if necessary, be helpful to seek professional help to accompany you on that journey. Recovering your authenitic self and developing a life you choose is the best form of defence.
First of its kind and highly recommended- Gillie Jenkinson has recently launched her new interactive self-help workbook, Walking Free From the Trauma of Coercive, Cultic, and Spiritual Abuse, A Workbook for Recovery and Growth,
https://www.hopevalleycounselling.com/walking-free-workbook
An excellent way to start making sense of what you are possibly going through, been through or what a friend or family member may be going through is to read, this dispells the myth that you are alone and also gives insight into the dynamics that are used by individuals, groups or organisations. Surprisingly, the tactics used to manipulate and control are incredibly similar. Learning to spot the signs will also reduce the risk of history repeating itself.
The following list is just a few of the many excellent books that are readily available -
Baker, C.A. (2019) Traumatized by Religious Abuse
Blue, K. (1993) Healing Spiritual Abuse: How to Break Free from Bad Church Experiences, Illinois
Cialdini, R.B. (1984) Influence, The Psychology of Persuasion
Diederich, F.R. (2017) Broken Trust
Enroth, R. (1994) Recovering from Churches That Abuse
Garrett, K.J. (2020) In The House of Friends: Understanding and Healing from Spiritual Abuse in Christian Church
Hassan, S. (2016) Combating Cult Mind Control
Jenkinson G. (2016) Freeing the Authentic Self: Phases of Recovery and Growth from an Abusive Cult Experience, Phd, University of Nottingham
Lalich, J & Tobias M. (1994) Take Back Your Life: Recovering from Cults and Abusive Relationships
Langone, M.D (1993) Recovery from Cults: Help for Victims of Psychological and Spiritual Abuse
Lifton, R.J. (2014) Thought Reform and the Psychology of Totalism
Oakley, L. & Humphreys J. (2019) Escaping The Maze of Spiritual Abuse
Oakley, L. & Kinmond, K. (2013) Breaking the Silence on Spiritual Abuse
Stein, A. (2017) Terror, Love & Brainwashing